Photography by Michael William

I did the backpack thing. I wanted to wait to process it before I wrote about it, however procrastination has been getting the best of me and now it's 9 days later so the necessity to complete the process has come. The backpack thing, if anybody at all reads this, was put into my head by Duncan Trussell, comedian, podcaster, philosopher, and magickal evangelist. He took the idea from a Christian couple's youtube video that I don't have the energy to dig up right now.
There are a couple layers to the backpack thing. On the surface, it is a simple act of charity. The task is to get a backpack from a thrift store and fill it with useful items, food, toiletries, anything that you would find useful if you found yourself living on the street. Then the backpack is delivered to a domestically misfortuned individual. Duncan presented the task as part of a walking meditation exercise with the goal of intentionally breaking hypnosis. There is a truth somewhere between western clinical science and eastern philosophy and that truth relates to the way our brains process sensory stimuli. Our conscious attention is the product of tens of thousands of years of adaptation. . The sorting mechanisms that turn all of this into a linear experience are useful, but not absolute. This is most devastatingly demonstrated with psychadelics, but this route is not always necessary. It is possible to notice an entire layer of humanity that is immediately screened out by most. This hypnosis must be self-addressed and broken; that is the catch-22 of hypnosis. The hypnotized has no idea he or she is in a trance.
The mindset assumed for all of this was one of slow, aware movement. Another exercise Duncan presented was to keep a question in mind and in the opened state, to look for symbols in everyone and everything. I walked with my head up, making eye contact with everyone. I rode my bike to all destinations. From the start, the mission was faced with roadblocks. First, I was unable to find a backpack at two thrift stores. At the third store, I waited in line for about 15 minutes only to be denied purchase because the backpack was missing a price tag. I allowed 5 seconds of frustrated feelings but decided then and there that the entire exercise would be a failure if I approached it with a 'you're in my way' attitude. The point of it all was trying to smash that mindset. I ended up going into the belly of the beast and spend 15 dollars on a new backpack, and I have to say I considered getting one for myself because it was pretty comfortable.
The biggest struggle with putting food in the bag was nutrition. I went to the dollar store for vitamins, ibuprofen, toothpaste and toiletries, and food. But most of the food was stuff I wouldn't eat myself, so what kind of personal statement am I making if I buy it for a homeless person? After the dollar store, I was denied the purchase of fresh fruit at Aldi because they don't take credit cards (didn't have cash on me, don't have a debit card). The end result of my hunting and gathering was this: pic.twitter.com/ZCo5KLFR2x
I had a specific couple of people in mind when I was putting the bag together. There is a man and woman who I assume are 'together' who post up with their signs on various intersections on my street; I live at the end of "that" street in every town with the brown facaded WalMart and AppleBees and Panera and every other corporate chain...this street is the bane of America, the literal embodiment of the destruction of DIY spirit, but when you're on extended road trips this street is a beacon of hope in the darkness. Weird. I set out on my backpack and looped up and down this street in search of these people, but they were nowhere to be found. It had been an especially hot Saturday, pushing 90 degrees and soupy thick humidity so I sort of expected them to be taking shelter somewhere. As far as I can tell they sleep behind an abandoned overgrown Pizza Hut that will never be viable real estate because it will always look like a pizza hut.
There was one homeless person out, and his sign said "Why lie I need a beer." That sign wasn't even original when it was original. I decided to be patient. The question I am seeking an answer to is a longterm situation. If things go my way, I will be working in my dream job making a real living helping lots of people. If things don't go my way, the status quo will be maintained, a year's worth of planning and waiting will be out the window, and I will still be working for an idiotic power goblin with self esteem problems. The way things go is 100% out of my hands, it is all in the hands of the state Department of Fuckery. The message of patience was fitting.
The next morning I woke up and went to the gym, taking the backpack with me. On my way home, I saw my intended person at his usual spot. I felt like a bit of a predator scoping for a specific unfortunate human. But when I managed to flag him down and explain that I lived down the street, had witnessed him and his lady outside all winter, and had a backpack full of goods for him to go through, the culmination of this experience was profound. For George and Tracy someone noticed them and gave a fuck for a minute. The reality of a backpack versus some money handed out a car window is obvious, it takes time. It demonstrates that a series of thoughts and actions went into it. The irony of the situation is they stand outside the grocery store.
To wrap this up, one of the things Duncan highlighted was the idea of waking from the trance and noticing pickpockets. When you step apart from the hypnosis and really look at people, you'll notice other people who are out of the trance. He mentioned pickpockets, who will be startled to notice you noticing them. But there are also people who are the flipside of that. Since I did this, I've been walking with my head up making eye contact with everyone. Most are asleep, but I see people who are awake and looking for other humans, like boats trying to signal each other in the ocean.

I feel rusty, Yes I do. I'm going to try to get back into updating this shite more often than not. I'm undergoing the long process of digging pictures up from three years of "untitled folders" lurking on my 1TB harddrive. So, well, you can imagine how that goes. I have a multitude of HDR stuff that will pop up on here, but that stuff is mostly going to be living over at widerangenature.weebly.com. I'm going to use that one to try and make some money for these dang ol' things that are just sitting around. So this blog is going to be used primarily for posting things that are special to me but don't scream "print and sell this shit you lazy asshole."

So these shots must be at least 5 years old. I was living a the Mill Hollow apartment complex, and the day was very foggy.

I was relatively new to still nature photography, or the art of creeping through the woods with a camera and slowing down. I have spent many a frustrated hour in the woods and the fields, hiking up mountains just fucking looking for something beautiful to photograph. It never works. It simply never does. You will inevitably force yourself to believe that the prettiest shot you got on that trip is somehow portfolio quality wackoff material. It never is. This walk and photo session was absolutely when it clicked for me. I was just sitting, experimenting with different exposures and settings, thinking that darkness was coming and my day in the woods trying to find winter beauty was turing up unproductive. As the sun started to go down, a vibrant pink took over the fog that was hovering over the river. I needed to do a long exposure since the light was almost gone. I was blown away by the result. I had seen long exposure of water, but never really processed the power and simplicity of it. I had dabbled with night exposures, but also never really processed. Up until this moment, that is. I pretty much took these pictures by accident, but these photos lit a bulb in my brain that led to countless hours and shots, wonderful meditative moments in the blackness with camera, tripod, remote, and excited hope that it looks how you think it will.